okay pat passed out under dana's car
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
