i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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