Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
