on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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