i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you didnt know i had herpes?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
My life is pants optional.
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