he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
