It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
