Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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