I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
