she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
They are going to name an STD after you.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
