My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Let's paint friendship bongs
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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