i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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