I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
