I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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