Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
