everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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