i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
