I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
