Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
