Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
