Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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