piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I hate all girls vehemently.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
