nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
