For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
