So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
