Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
