Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
