I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
