you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
