if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
