I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We got so high we made milksteak
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
