i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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