She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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