At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
this just has baby written all over it
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
