So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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