Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
