can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
