i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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