Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
