So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I licked your asshole in confidence.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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