Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
