I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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