i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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