Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife đŹ
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He said I have the âDenzel Washingtonâ of vaginas.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
If the people youâre with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
