yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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