He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
