He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
