You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
