he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Small penises have feelings too.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My breasts were aching with rage.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
