He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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