you traded sex for a burrito?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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