My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
