i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize