Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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