She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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