We named our party play list daddy issues
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
