im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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