My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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