she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
