So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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