there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
