he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
