you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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