I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
