You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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