I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
