No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
