Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
