Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
