I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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