Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
