dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
