I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So many bounce houses so little time
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
