i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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