do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Randomize
