I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
