i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
