haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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