i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
