So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize