So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
