Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Still dying that you shit outside
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
