Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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