JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
