'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
