The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
