I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
