I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
