I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
