I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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