how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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